Our precious Kerrington at 4 years old
We have known since around December 2012 that Kerrington would be having her second surgery in 2013 but it wasn't until I saw the call come through yesterday from Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus that it sunk in. Thankfully we were at a doctor's appointment of Kerrington's and I couldn't answer so I was only left with my heart in my stomach with no desire to call them back. My feelings now, the day after they left the message on my voice mail, is still the same. I am full of gut wrenching sickness and pain that we have to do this again. I feel like my heart can't do this again. I feel like this time will be so much harder on us than before because of her age and we are suppose to protect her.
With my involvement in Kerrington's Heart I now understand and have seen more of the risks even in those "cut and dry" cases if there are any. I also now know the meaning of strength. There is no doubt that we can do this but I am just not ready yet. Don't ever doubt my faith because my faith runs deep. This is just one of the many "normal" feelings that goes along with the journey of Congenital Heart Disease. There will be anger, resentment, fear, sadness, and the list goes on. I don't know of any parent that would gladly hand their child over to people that they hardly know to work on the most precious part of the child's body....their heart. So until Sam and I are ready we will put off the call to Nationwide. For those that might be concerned, Kerrington is in no danger by us being a little selfish and waiting until we are ready. Those that have not been on this journey with CHD I can not express in words how difficult of a journey it is emotionally and physically.
Prayers are always welcomed for my family but I also ask that you remember all those families that are currently by their children's bedside fighting for another day. Much love and many many blessings!!
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