But I'm suppose to be in Italy

My friend shared this with me and I felt that it was just too good not to share with others!! Enjoy!!

                      WELCOME TO HOLLAND

                                  by                            

                    Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go.
Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Blessings in Disguise!!

This past Friday, Kerrington and I had a special day of running errands which included going to McDonalds as well as the candy store in the mall. I had been contemplating, since our visit to Columbus, on how to best talk to her about her upcoming surgery. I felt like it was necessary to try to explain as she is to the age where she understands but doesn't. I decided, while sitting in McDonalds, that I would make the attempt. So I began to explain how she was born with a special heart and that there would be times that the doctors would need to work on her special heart in order to keep her from getting really sick. She immediately said "I not like doctors, they are mean and I not like hospitals". I knew that was coming because that is where she is now in life. All the hospital and doctor visits up until now haven't been pleasant for her. Even though I expected her response I couldn't go on because I knew that I would end up a crying mess sitting in McDonalds of all places!! All I could think of for the remainder of the day is how I shouldn't have to explain this to her and that she shouldn't have to endure the things that she has to endure.

I had some "girl time" yesterday with a new friend which is proving to be another blessing in life. She was telling me a story which I won't get into, I will just tell you the moral of the story which was that it's ok to say "it just sucks"!! So I am saying it now for this situation "it just sucks" that I have to have conversations such as the one attempted with Kerrington, that we have to hand this 4 year old blessing over to someone we barely know to again work on the most precious part of the body, and that most of her memories of doctors and hospitals will be bad ones. Yes it just sucks!!!!

My friend also said something to me that was such a blessing to me!! I was explaining how this surgery will be harder than the first because Kerrington understands enough to be like "why are you letting them do this to me" but not quite understand that WE ARE protecting her. My friend said that The Lord must feel like that with us, his precious children. Letting us experience life, as hard or painful as it might be, and while we don't understand it is what's best for us. The heartache he must feel.........because my heart hurts so bad at times that its almost unbearable.

Thank you Lord for loving me that much and for yesterday's blessings in disguise!!

Upcoming Surgery

Our visit to Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus was a good one.  Sam and I met with Dr. Galantowicz, the surgeon, as well as toured the Heart Center.  It is a very beautiful hospital with great staff.  Kerrington's surgery is scheduled for May 7th so until then our time will be more precious, the kisses alot sweeter, and the hugs alot tighter. 

Words for our beautiful daughter

               

 

             this is my wish for you

comfort on difficult days,

                       rainbows to follow the clouds,

smiles when sadness intrudes,

                     faith so that you can believe,

sunsets to warm your heart,

              laughter to kiss your lips,

courage to know yourself,

        hugs when spirits sag,

patience to accept the truth,

               beauty for your eyes to see,

confidence for when you doubt,

                         friendships to brighten your being
and 

           love

             to complete your life. 

Baby Steps

Sam and I decided we would do a consultation first to meet the surgeon, to find out his plan for Kerrington and tour the hospital before scheduling her next surgery.....and buy time before actually having to schedule a date and it becoming more of a reality.  We are pretty certain that Nationwide is where  her next surgery should be but better to see for ourselves if we are able.  So I called Nationwide Children's Hospital this morning and scheduled the consultation for March 14th at 1:00. 

I took some time to sign in to our Carepage which is where I logged all of our updates from Kerrington's first surgery.  This was the first time I had logged on since 2009.  Once I logged on the first thing I saw were the verses that I relied on during that time.

Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)

Here is a post that I had written prior to her first surgery.  One of the strongest feelings I experienced in the midst of Kerrington's first surgery was the PEACE!! 

Today has been a very tough day knowing that Kerrington's surgery is getting closer and closer. My faith has been strong thanks to all the prayers and I still praise him in this storm. How hard it's going to be to hand our child over to the Lord and hope he gives her back. We don't know the will of God so I am just making the most out of every moment of time I have with Kerrington.

It was interesting to read through all the posts from her Carepage.  Looking back now I appeared to be a better advocate for her than I realized.  We have a tendency to forget, whether purposely or not, some of the difficulties during this time. 

So these are all Baby Steps..... we are working through it..... one day at a time!!